Coño! (More on Spain’s lack of censorship)

There’s nothing like turning on the TV and seeing someone’s va-jay-jay on it. I was innocently checking out what was on TV one night when this happened to me. I was in complete shock. It was about two women who were getting plastic surgery down there. It was towards the end of the show so by the time I saw it, they were almost done with the surgery. It seemed that these women were getting their minor labias reduced…I guess they had too much skin in that area. The doctor even showed the removed excess skin layed out on a table.

What shocked me even more was seeing the faces of these women. One was a stripper and she was not cute whatsoever. She had super big collagen-filled lips and to me she looked like a transvestite. The other one was just as scary. She didn’t look like a transvestite but she definitely had very manly features.

Both said they felt like a new woman weeks after the surgery. The stripper said that at home, she’d often grab a mirror to look at herself (as she demonstrates exactly how she does it in front of the cameras). The other lady was very grateful and discussed her new self with her boyfriend next to her…and the rest of the extended family. It was very disturbing. No one should be talking about their vagina problems with their aunts and uncles and cousins and brothers and to any family member!

I highly doubt I’ll ever see a vagina surgery on American TV…even Dr. 90210 wouldn’t dare!

The Bartender Show

I haven’t been to many conventions in my life but this was by far the best one. I joined Francisco and his staff to a cocktail convention called The Bartender Show. At the convention were a bunch of alcohol manufacturers and distributors selling their products. But in order to show off their gins and vodkas and such, they also had to bring with them very talented bartenders.

These bartenders get really creative. There were some who were doing bottle tricks while making drinks (like Tom Cruise in that one movie). There were some making cocktails decorated with pretty flowers and whatnot. But the best one was the guy who made Violet Mojitos. To be honest with you I don’t remember exactly who he was representing. I don’t think he was there to sell rum; I think it was more the extra stuff you can put in cocktails. But I do remember that he made the best mojito I’ve ever had in my life. We all loved it so much that we kept going back for more.

Just imagine a bunch of bartenders, servers and bar owners “sampling” various cocktails for about 5 hours. It was like being at some fancy bar that constantly gave free drinks: gin and tonics, mojitos, cosmos, martinis, etc. I definitely started to get into it. I started making conversation with the bartenders. One was some German guy who was a bartender in Barcelona’s newest hip hotel, The W. Personally, I thought his Trini mojito (made with rum from Trinidad and with brown sugar) was mediocre. After drinking everyone’s Violet Mojitos, I decided to get one for myself. I feigned interest by asking lots of questions while the guy was showing me how to make it; really, I just wanted to drink the damn thing.

Many booths were also giving free stuff to attract customers. G Vine, for instance, was giving out this little tool that makes mini holes on bottle tops. Apparently, when making gin and tonics, it’s better to pour the tonic through this hole to get rid of the gas. Cointreau was making cosmopolitans for all women in cute little pink shakers, that we got to take home with us. Then the immature 12 year old in me came out when I wanted to get a Pussy bag. Yes, there was a drink called Pussy. I couldn’t help but snicker every time I saw someone carrying a Pussy bag. I made Francisco go with me to “sample” so we could get the bag. The other girls had tried the drink and they told me it’s an energy drink. I’m not really a fan of energy drinks so I didn’t want to have to take sips of it. I just wanted the bag. Apparently Pussy is an all-natural energy drink. The guy was talking it up so much that I grabbed the can of Pussy from Francisco and took a sip. It was actually not bad. The guy gave us a couple of cans to take home and we got the bag! I was very happy. I can’t wait to go grocery shopping in my new Pussy tote bag.

After having had one too many violet mojitos, it was time for me to go home and passed out…or eat a lot. It was getting ridiculous. People were starting to get wasted and hotel security was starting to increase. I mean, what do you expect from a cocktail convention?