Coño! (More on Spain’s lack of censorship)

There’s nothing like turning on the TV and seeing someone’s va-jay-jay on it. I was innocently checking out what was on TV one night when this happened to me. I was in complete shock. It was about two women who were getting plastic surgery down there. It was towards the end of the show so by the time I saw it, they were almost done with the surgery. It seemed that these women were getting their minor labias reduced…I guess they had too much skin in that area. The doctor even showed the removed excess skin layed out on a table.

What shocked me even more was seeing the faces of these women. One was a stripper and she was not cute whatsoever. She had super big collagen-filled lips and to me she looked like a transvestite. The other one was just as scary. She didn’t look like a transvestite but she definitely had very manly features.

Both said they felt like a new woman weeks after the surgery. The stripper said that at home, she’d often grab a mirror to look at herself (as she demonstrates exactly how she does it in front of the cameras). The other lady was very grateful and discussed her new self with her boyfriend next to her…and the rest of the extended family. It was very disturbing. No one should be talking about their vagina problems with their aunts and uncles and cousins and brothers and to any family member!

I highly doubt I’ll ever see a vagina surgery on American TV…even Dr. 90210 wouldn’t dare!

The Bartender Show

I haven’t been to many conventions in my life but this was by far the best one. I joined Francisco and his staff to a cocktail convention called The Bartender Show. At the convention were a bunch of alcohol manufacturers and distributors selling their products. But in order to show off their gins and vodkas and such, they also had to bring with them very talented bartenders.

These bartenders get really creative. There were some who were doing bottle tricks while making drinks (like Tom Cruise in that one movie). There were some making cocktails decorated with pretty flowers and whatnot. But the best one was the guy who made Violet Mojitos. To be honest with you I don’t remember exactly who he was representing. I don’t think he was there to sell rum; I think it was more the extra stuff you can put in cocktails. But I do remember that he made the best mojito I’ve ever had in my life. We all loved it so much that we kept going back for more.

Just imagine a bunch of bartenders, servers and bar owners “sampling” various cocktails for about 5 hours. It was like being at some fancy bar that constantly gave free drinks: gin and tonics, mojitos, cosmos, martinis, etc. I definitely started to get into it. I started making conversation with the bartenders. One was some German guy who was a bartender in Barcelona’s newest hip hotel, The W. Personally, I thought his Trini mojito (made with rum from Trinidad and with brown sugar) was mediocre. After drinking everyone’s Violet Mojitos, I decided to get one for myself. I feigned interest by asking lots of questions while the guy was showing me how to make it; really, I just wanted to drink the damn thing.

Many booths were also giving free stuff to attract customers. G Vine, for instance, was giving out this little tool that makes mini holes on bottle tops. Apparently, when making gin and tonics, it’s better to pour the tonic through this hole to get rid of the gas. Cointreau was making cosmopolitans for all women in cute little pink shakers, that we got to take home with us. Then the immature 12 year old in me came out when I wanted to get a Pussy bag. Yes, there was a drink called Pussy. I couldn’t help but snicker every time I saw someone carrying a Pussy bag. I made Francisco go with me to “sample” so we could get the bag. The other girls had tried the drink and they told me it’s an energy drink. I’m not really a fan of energy drinks so I didn’t want to have to take sips of it. I just wanted the bag. Apparently Pussy is an all-natural energy drink. The guy was talking it up so much that I grabbed the can of Pussy from Francisco and took a sip. It was actually not bad. The guy gave us a couple of cans to take home and we got the bag! I was very happy. I can’t wait to go grocery shopping in my new Pussy tote bag.

After having had one too many violet mojitos, it was time for me to go home and passed out…or eat a lot. It was getting ridiculous. People were starting to get wasted and hotel security was starting to increase. I mean, what do you expect from a cocktail convention?

You know Fran is poor when...

She hasn't stepped foot inside a Zara ever since she got to BCN

No Reservations

…no, not with Anthony Bourdain. With Fran Cabugason. Oh how I badly want to have my own travel show. It’d be amazing if you get paid to travel, wouldn’t it? This has always been one of my dreams but I’m afraid my refusal to eat weird things would make me a bad host. I’m slowly working on this minor handicap though, and I think I’m getting better at it. I moved to Madrid ready to try anything, including weird food, and I’ve definitely done more of that here in BCN.

As I’ve mentioned before, Francisco LOVES fine dining. Eating well has never been my thing. I mean, I enjoy a nice delicious meal but my definition of a nice meal is completely different from Francisco’s. For me, a nice dinner would be at some overpriced fancy restaurant, usually involving chicken or pasta, which we all know you can make at home for very cheap. With Francisco, I’ve eaten things I would never imagine eating back at home: lamb, lots of fresh vegetables, and being near the Mediterranean, various types of fish and lots of seafood like navajas (razor clam), almejas (clams), mejillones (mussels), langostinos (prawns), berberechos (cockles), and ortigas (nettle). Most of the time, I didn’t even know what these things were called in English. I had to look them up in the dictionary because I’ve never seen or eaten them before in my life.

And the best things about this food – and why Spanish cuisine is so good – is that they are made so simply. Cooking them doesn’t usually involve lots of ingredients. If you have olive oil, sea salt, and a pan, you’re good to go. Dishes are also made in reasonable portions that there’s always room for some dessert and coffee, even if you had a couple of appetizers before the main course.

Another reason why it’s difficult to eat well in America is because it means spending a lot of money. Sometimes you spend a lot of money thinking you’re eating some amazing meal, but really you’re not. In the US, people indulge on a $30 steak because it’s supposed to be that expensive, when really it’s not cooked correctly or not even fresh meat. Fortunately in Spain, people can eat well for little or a lot of money. The ortigas, for example, were quite expensive: 16 Euros for a little plate. But they were fresh (and ridiculously delicious) and we had them at a restaurant right on the beach that attracts tourists. On the other hand, we had that paella at Jose’s that cost probably no more than 30 Euros and it could’ve probably fed more than the three of us; Or the roasted lamb we shared at a restaurant with two other people and it cost less than 30 Euros.

My appreciation for food and drink is also starting to grow. Francisco has taught me a lot on what makes something good or bad. For example, I just learned where you taste certain things on your tongue (sweet in the front, salty in the middle, bitter in the back, acidity on the sides). Apparently, he learned this in grade school. I don’t ever remember learning that! Knowing this has definitely made drinking wine more interesting.

Little by little, I’m becoming more open-minded with what I use to consider strange food. Next he wants me to try caracoles, or snails. I’m still thinking about that one. He also wants to take me to eat çalçots during its harvest time in January. They’re these stringy onions that are very popular in Catalunya. I believe Anthony Bourdain ate them in the Spain episode of No Reservations. I can’t wait! The closer I am to being like Anthony, the more likely I’ll fulfill my dream of being a travel host.

Week 4: A Week in the Life of Fran

I’ve survived my first month in BCN. Yay! Now that my new life is somewhat settled, here’s a glimpse of what a week is like for me:

Monday: It’s Francisco’s one day off so we make the most of it by doing as much as we can. Depending on what we need/want to do, we’ll go check out some new place, shop, hang out with people he doesn’t see much, or see a movie. One thing we never miss is eating well, his favorite thing to do on his day off. So we’ll indulge on a nice meal in some fancy restaurant. Obviously, I make him plan our day because I’m broke and I have all the time to do the things I want to do the rest of the week.

Tuesday: I have my morning café con leche at 2 de Vins, Francisco’s bar. His mom then force feeds me with either toast or torrijas or a croissant. I already feel guilty enough getting free coffee everyday that I don’t really like eating at the bar. So usually I’ll pretend I’m not hungry. But his mom is like any other mom that I think she knows that I don’t eat enough or something. The other day, she did something that was very reminiscent of my own mother.

Me: Buenas dias, Aurora.

Aurora: Que? Como estas? You want toast?

Me: No, I’m okay. Gracias.

Aurora: Did you have breakfast?

Me: Ummm well, no but really, I’m okay. I’m not hungry.

Aurora: Okay, I’ll make toast then!

After breakfast, I then stay at the bar and use the internet. I usually leave by noon before the lunch crowd arrives. At about 3:30, I’ll take the bus to BCN. Depending on traffic and whether I catch the express or regular bus, I’ll get to my school within an hour. I prepare for my classes, teach from 5:30 to 6:30, then from 7:30 to 9:30, and get home by 10:30.

Wednesday: I repeat my morning routine of coffee and internet. I take the bus at 3:30 again and teach at 5:45 to 6:45. I get home right before 8.

Thursday to Sunday: Besides my morning routine, I do absolutely nothing, or at least I don’t have anything to do. Most of the time, I’ll blog or write my long emails in my computer so I can just copy and paste them when I go to the bar the next day. I will also do laundry and clean the house, and really, there’s only so much I can do when I do it every freaking week. Aurora thinks our apartment must be super clean…it’s not. Most of the time, I’ll tag along with Francisco when he has to do business outside the bar (i.e. shopping for alcohol/food, paying vendors, going to the bank). If I’m feeling rich, I might spend money on a bus/train ticket so I can go to BCN and/or hang out with Michelle. Or sometimes, I’ll buy little necessary and cheap things for the house. I also frequently go on walks to pass time. On Sundays, I will often have lunch with Francisco’s sister and her son.

So there you have it. Pretty exciting, right? Oh why is life so ironic: when you have time, you have no money to enjoy your free time. I try to fill my spare time with random things I can think of and if I’m really, really bored, I just go across the street to 2 de Vins. If not, I just watch TV and wait for Francisco to get home, my favorite part of the day. It’s all about enjoying the best and cheap – or even better, free – things in life.

More on Spain's censorship

I’ve written about censorship in this country before and how it’s pretty much non-existent. I thought about this again the other day when I was watching the news. There was a report on obesity in Spain – which by the way does not compare to our problem in the US but they’re worried about it anyway – and they were showing images of fat people walking on the streets. To my surprise, they were not only showing the mid-section of these people, but they were showing their entire body including their faces! Ay, que verguenza!

What was even more shocking was when they reported on cancer de Mama (or breast cancer) in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. They were showing images of a woman having a mammogram when all of a sudden, appeared a bunch of photos of women with only one boob, or half a boob, or no boobs at all! It totally freaked me out! I was not prepared for that at all. They definitely got the job done of making women more aware.

Oh Spain

I just received this text message from Tess:

“Dude I just saw someone carrying a jamon leg on the metro jajajaja I love Spain”

Oh Spain!